In this day and age of broken homes, single parents and latch key kids there has been a turn around in the attitude that family is not really needed. Here in the UK, we took this hideous 21st Century me, me, me attitude and embraced it to the point of damaging all our relationships.
What summed it up for me was the day my five year old son came home wanting to know why he didn’t have a step dad and all the other kids did. He thought he was being outdone even though I was happily married to his natural father!
So, in our bid to repair the damage done, UK citizens have embraced marriage counselling. But surely there are other things that can be done before we get to this stage? Well, this is where inventive product design comes in. Let’s analyse the helpful possibilities.
The ‘Twodaloo’ product design, for starters. Two toilets that are joined together ‘love seat’ styley. I believe this is the true definition of over-familiarity. When my marriage was breaking down, being anywhere near my husband whilst he was carrying out natures necessities would have brought on a divorce so much quicker. Do these people not understand that some things have to be done in private?
The fact that the Twodaloo has an inbuilt iPod docking station really doesn’t help! If I wanted to listen to music with my husband to aid marital harmony, I would do it in the comfort of the living room where I wouldn’t have to look at his crimson face while he disposes of last night’s dinner.
Of course, looking at the results of some product design you can see why relations have gone down hill fast in the last hundred years or so. For the man that wanted to show true love and consideration to the woman who nurtured his offspring in 1903, there was the chest bandage. Not the most glamorous present but practical nonetheless.
This boned corset strapped the lactating wife in so tightly it effectively milked her into a pair of dangling rubber bags. And you thought a blender was a crap present!!
The ‘Love Mattress’ is the result of product design that could possibly have good effects, bringing couples closer together in that they can cuddle for longer without getting a dead arm. The head and foot ends of the mattress are constructed of strips of foam so that your arm slots between them whilst cuddling your partner instead of getting crushed.
All well and good for the newly loved up couples but I ask you, when you’ve been married for ten years and your partners personal hygiene is slacking how long do you want to spend cosied up to his armpit?
Talking of newly loved up, do you remember the days when sensual massage was a Saturday night past time? Well, from the realms of product design comes the ‘magic massager’. This is designed to provide an effective Swedish massage, even through clothing, without the use of messy oils. Guys, a tip, ditch the ‘magic massager’, employ a male Swedish masseur and let him get on with it.
Of course, product design is often geared up for men and without disappointment comes the latest offering from Japan. A remote control that is activated by winking. Laziness in the extreme but if it keeps him quiet what the hell!
For the couples who really want to save their marriage, there are two product designs that I recommend. One is the ‘Comfort Sphere’. This consists of a spherical seat that cocoons you from your partner, with personal entertainment that swings round in front of you. He can watch the football and you can watch the soaps – everybody’s happy.
If you want to please your woman even more and score some excellent brownie points, feed into this sphere the latest chocolate products on the market. Raw chocolate products are the new thing in food product design, they require less energy to produce, minimum packaging with recycled paper and are full of goodness including antioxidants, proteins, calcium and vitamins.
So, good for her, good for the environment and conducive to marital harmony.