The Play With Plague: TNA Report For 07/02/09

Double J Takes Control

Well, over the past week, we’ve had some releases from TNA. Jacqueline, Team No Limit, Shane Douglas, and Raven. And don’t complain to me, I didn’t do it. And what the hell ever happened to Bobby Lashley? Anyway, Sting’s out of the Mafia, Joe’s in, and who knows about Matt Morgan.

Obviously we start off with the Main Event Mafia. Kurt says Sting is at home licking his wounds, but it wasn’t personal, strictly business. But he moves on to his Foley situation, and tells Foley to come out and face the boss like a man. The boss? But Mick comes out with his security force. Kurt informs him that he committed a cardinal sin going against the Godfather. He quotes Rocky saying, “if you wanna dance, you gotta pay the band”. Foley snaps. He messed up, but he tells Kurt just to leave him alone. Kurt starts to say that Foley lied to the Godfather, and Mick’s security steps between them. Angle questions what’re they gonna do? Foley admits, “probably nothing. Rokko, Sallyboy, do whatever, do your best”. Hahahaha Very Happy

Scotty takes them out with a lead pipe. Foley asks if they’re gonna kick his ass, but just to leave enough of him to recover to face him. He wants to make a deal. Kurt makes a Monty Hall joke, which I appreciated the effort. Thank you TNA. But most about half of the people won’t get it. Foley attacks Kurt, but gets jumped. Jarrett makes his return and heads to the ring with his guitar! The ring clears, and Joe is somehow bleeding. But then Jarrett smashes Mick with the guitar. What? The MEM smiles, and Jeff is bleeding too. So we start off TNA with me confused as hell. Mostly about the blood.

During the break, Mick is refusing medical aid.

Mick’s tryin to get to Jeff, but security escorts him out. Jeff said that he’s done with him.

Mike Tenay has an interview with Kevin Nash. Basically, it’s all about the money.

Lauren is with Abyss, is going crazy and looking for Stevie. Lauren is trying to calm him down, and he sits her down. Abyss tells her that he’ll never hurt her, and he cares about her. But he’s sick, and he asks Lauren not to ask him to stop being a monster.

Match 1: Cody Deaner vs. Amazing Red
Cody tries to land some shots, but Red is too quick, and he keeps landing quick kicks. Red locks in an arm lock, and Deaner reverses it, and Red does some bouncing counter. Red hits two quick arm drags, then a running hurricurana. Deaner rolls outside, but Red lands a spinning dive outside. Back in the ring, Red runs at Cody, but gets caught with a clothesline. He sets Red up in a corner, and punches away, then hit’s a power slam. Deaner throws Red into a corner, but Red reverses, and does a stepping dropkick on Cody, and a spinning kick, and gets a 2 count. He goes to the corner, but Cody pulls him off the top rope. Then Cody heads to the top, and puts his hat on. ODB is screaming no, but Deaner says yes, and misses a diving head butt. Way to go Deaner, I see all that training paid off. Red goes on the turnbuckle, and hit’s the Red Eye.
Winner: Amazing Red
Match Rating: 5/10

Road to Victory promo

Abyss is throwing stuff around when security shows up with bats. He sorta calms down.

JB is with JJ. The Mafia comes in clapping. Kurt asks him to have a seat. He admits they’ve had their differences, but he has a peace offering. If he joins the Mafia, they can rule this business for the next ten years. Ya. If Scott and Joe make it ten years, I’ll be freaking shocked. Jeff tells Kurt screw the deal. They’re playing by his rules tonight. Tonight, Kurt is in a tag match with Joe, against he and AJ, for the title. Whoever pins gets it, other than Joe.
Lauren is with Jenna, asking her about the match Sharmell challenged to at Victory Road. Jenna plans to just fight her, and its not like Sharmell is really a wrestler. Sojo Bolt comes in, and says that Sharmell is gonna be ready for the match. She also calls Jenna a skinny little anorexic pancake [ beep ], which I thought was just magical that TNA says that stuff.

JB is with the MEM. Kurt says that Jeff signs his own death warrant, and that he and Joe are unstoppable. Booker tells Sharmell to go find Matt Morgan.

Match 2: Rhino vs. Eric Young
Rhino charges into the ring, and Eric jumps on him, but Rhino ends up beating on him. Eric takes advantage though and throws him into the corner and lands some punches. He hit’s a snapmare and headlock combo. What the hell is up with Jesse Neals’s hair? Apparently Eric thought the same thing, and attacks him. EY goes back into the ring, and Rhino starts to mount a comeback with punches and a spine buster. Neals jumps up and distracts the ref though. Rhino pushes him away, and EY rolls him up and uses the ropes for leverage.
Winner: Eric Young
Match Rating: 5/10. Not a lot of wrestling. Just punches.

Lauren is with Sharmell, who tells Matt Kurt wants to see him. And Morgan goes insane.

JB is with Kurt, asking if Matt is in the Mafia. Matt comes in expecting to be handed a check or something. Kurt tells him he’s under consideration, but he has a few more jobs to do. He wants Matt to keep Daniels away from his match tonight. Morgan says that his patience is running thin, but he stuttered during his rant so I laughed.

Sarita promo

Match 3: Angelina Love & Velvet Sky vs. Awesome Kong & Tara
Wow. This is a toughie to call.
Tara and Sky start off, and Sky hits some quick kicks and punches. But Tara slams her down and locks in some crazy modified camel clutch. Then two arm drags and an arm lock later, Kong and Love tag in. I don’t need to explain. Tara comes in after the usual Kong action, but Sky hit’s a cheap shot from outside. Velvet tags in, and hits an elbow drop on Tara. She then throws her by the hair. Love comes back in, but Tara and her run and do the double hair takedown thing. Sky and Kong come in. Well Kong’s in, so I’ll skip ahead. Implant Buster to Sky.
Winners: Awesome Kong & Tara
Match Rating: 6/10. Best match so far.

After the match, Tara puts her tarantula on Sky. You can’t get that on PG programming.

Lauren is with Love, whose being obnoxious, so Lauren screws with her, and makes her think there’s a spider on her shoulder.

Beer Money comes out and heads to the announce table.

Match 4: Team 3-D vs. Booker T & Scott Steiner
Haha. Booker has a muffin top.
We start off with Steiner and Ray going at it. They each take the advantage and chop and punch in a corner. Scott pulls out an overhead suplex, which was impressive on Bubba, but he comes back with a scoop slam, followed by a side slam. Ray tags Devon in, but Booker takes a cheap shot on him while he bounces off the ropes. Booker comes in and lands some elbows in the corner and some kicks. Scotty comes in and the Mafia double teams him. Scott hits his overhead belly to belly suplex. Booker comes back in, picks Devon up, and kicks him in the head.

Devon ducks a clothesline and hits one of his own, and he tags in Bubba. He hits some clotheslines and arm drags on Booker. Steiner comes in, who gets Bubba Bombed, and then Booker hit’s a Book End and gets a 2 count. Sheik and Kiyoshi come out and attack Beer Money. In the ring, 3D hit’s the 3D on Booker, but Sharmell distracts the ref during the count. Scott comes in and gets slammed, then Devon hit’s the Whassup!!! on Steiner. Ray tells Devon to, “Get the tables!!!”. But the Brits come out and attack him, while Magnus hits Ray with the case, and he pulls Booker over on top of him.
Winners: Booker T & Scott Steiner
Match Rating: 8/10

Match 5: Jethro Holliday vs. Jay Lethal
What? Okay Holliday comes out, Lethal’s music is on, but he doesn’t come out. Abyss is backstage and takes down Lethal Consequences. Abyss comes out, trades punches with Holliday, but hit’s a Black Hole Slam.

He asks for a mike. He calls out Dr. Stevie. He doesn’t come on, but he says that he doesn’t need him, and he’s done with therapy, but when he gets his hands on him, he’s going to snap him like a twig. Dr. Stevie appears on the screen, and has Lauren. He informs Abyss that he owns him, mind, body, and soul. And next week, Abyss is going to be at his office for therapy.

Match 6: Kurt Angle & Samoa “Taz 4.0 Joe” vs. Jeff Jarrett & AJ Styles.
Everyone comes out.

JB is out explaining the rules to the match.
It starts with Jarrett and Kurt. They lockup, and Jeff shoulders Angle down. Its very fast action. Jeff tries a Stroke on Kurt, but fails, and Angle tries the Ankle Lock, which Jarrett escapes. Jeff hit’s a hip toss and a clothesline. AJ gets tagged in, but Kurt rakes his eyes. Joe comes in and hit’s a god awful leg sweep. AJ connects with a dropkick. Angle comes in and cracks AJ.

We come back with Kurt on offense, stomping on AJs knee. AJ hits Angle enziguri, but Joe takes out JJ before Styles can make a tag. Joe gets tagged in. AJ springboards backflips over him, Kurt comes in but Styles catches him too, and hit’s a DDT Neckbreaker on the team. Joe misses the rear naked choke, and AJ Pele’s him, and tags Jeff, who hit’s a pedigree on Kurt. Joe breaks up the pin, and Kurt misses the Angle Slam, and Jeff hit’s a DDT, and Joe again breaks it up. Joe sets Jeff up for a muscle buster, but AJ comes in with a springboard forearm. Jeff hits Kurt with a stroke off of the second rope, but the ref is down. Jeff goes for his guitar, but the ref takes it off of him, and Angle locks in the Ankle Lock. Jeff passes out from the pain.
Winners: Kurt Angle & Samoa Joe
Match Rating: 9/10

The Mafia comes out to celebrate, but AJ grabs his belt and clears the ring. Until Joe comes in and takes him down. A beat down follows, and backstage we see Morgan smacking Daniels around. Nash is about to hit AJ with the belt, when the lights go out, Sting’s music plays, and he appears behind Kurt with the bat. He hits everyone with it, steals the Heavyweight Title, and disappears in another blackout.
Show Rating: 7/10